The Last Self-Reflective Post. Bear With Me (Pun Intended).

I’m a post-undergrad, pre-grad student. I have recently gone through several vicious cycles of feeling like I know myself and being surprised at qualities I didn’t know existed, and of hating my body and loving my body, many of these emerging as a forced self-reflection post breakup with my ex-boyfriend and a regrettably, and arguably more painful, break up with a best friend. I found myself having shoved my opinion (judgment?) in people’s faces on WordPress, one Facebook post (I’m not proud), and one or two real-life conversations. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, and the result of this type of foot-in-mouth happenstance for me is usually a taste of self-satisfaction, followed by gut-twisting guilt. I am an honest person, and it is still taking me time to understand the times in which I should be honest, how brutal is too brutal, and who I should be honest with. What is honesty? Who does it serve? In the times I have asserted myself into a conversation with my critique, it is usually under the belief that I will feel free by doing so, feel like I am standing up for what I believe to be morally right or whatever. But really all I walk away with after an instance such as posting an argumentative comment on someone’s (albeit anti-feminist) blog post is a feeling of bitterness. Did I actually make someone else see my point of view? Though I am never a true bitch with my words, they end up making me feel as though I have stepped up onto a soap box preaching my truth to those who refuse to see it. Nonsense. Any wisdom on how to step back and consider the consequences of my words before sharing my opinion? Trying to be better. Trying to forgive myself for being an occasional asshole. And yet, when do I stand up for what I believe in?